Thanks to connect

Now if your pm if you lucky enough to have one has not been watching connect then sure there's likely to be a disconnect. You very much likely to get sucked up to watching the program maybe on conditions that, you do not possess an extra television in the bedroom, you are not the chauvinist type and have actually let it go in the proverbial "nyumba ni za wanawake" and subsequentially lost the remote control, you are not very capable of affording pay tv in that your house can turn to be a sports house,you are not the conservative type to wonder how such a program can be aired featuring the most mystifed happenings of the bedroom in our society, your performance is not at par so the pm has actually dragged you to watch and learn or are not naive.

So for those of you who are not sucked up due to above mentioned or else do not have someone to practise what is learnt on them and by someone i mean a regular partner not the all too familiar 'chips funga' or someone's somebody, connect is a program aired on saturday nights and repeated on fridays at 10 pm when most school going kids are either asleep or in the clubs getting wasted and closed.

Now there's this woman Getty who tries to demistify the happenings of the bedroom(closed doors) by practical steps and she sure knows her thing, but one thing i'd like to get an information on from them is, why is it that when we talk of sizes they use inches? I cannot remember in all my school life using inches as  a parameter of measurements and therefore i'd prefer cm inorder to relate *relatively*. That said i have really concured to most of the talks that is after i was really sucked up to watching it after coming home high on some things admonished in my village and the reasoning was quite high, the most evocative being about body sizes, relevantly being "whenever a man grows a pot belly or has one the 'josto' subsequently shrinks inside" for a woman "if fat, the vachina narrows(truest) " so you can imagine all those fat couples you see and imagine how they actually 'make it'. Now my fears of growing fat are equally manifested and in the meantime am gonna manage what i got.

As a result of the  saturday education, i have noticed some behavioural changes in the pm, although she religiously adones the all too familiar "mutoki", lesos written "makosa ya marehemu hakutumia juala" and i guess she must think that phrase actually refers to mama wa soko akifunga sukuma na juala, overdressing in bed and has adamantly refused to let the kid sleep in her own bed and always lies facing her on the other end of the bed and suckling all night despite her being almost two years, so am left on the other adge snuggling up to her buttocks..

As has  become the norm i always go to bed very late after watching the K24 12 oclock mchipuko for in most days i spend the afternoon sleeping and so sleep is hard to come by or also the trauma associated with sleeping on the edge of the bed risking getting pushed over to the floor with the buttocks as an effect. Such said there is  also the current practice maybe of the positive in relation to lessons learnt is that the initiation to the 'mombasas raha' as the women on the tv show disguisely call it refering to the zegz has been a flask of hot water and a basin at the corner of the bedrroom. This lesson i can associate to an episode where Getty was talking about cleaning up the 'kahead' after the zegz. So occasionally when i stagger to the bedroom with sleep and notice the flask and basin i know there's an anticipated activity supposed to happen failure to, i'l have to survive the following day of moodiness, doors getting banged and sheer rudeness since we both stay at home jobless graduates.

The pm's sleep as always has been 'usingizi wa kimang'amung'amu( dont know the english word for that) and she'll get wide of my entrance or knocking whenever i come home in the wee hours and turn consequently on such days of flask and basin at the corner. This practise of flask and basin only takes place two days after a refresher course of next episode of the connect program and so by monday it's forgotten and later picked up the following friday, last upto saturday and the pattern has continued while on other days its the usual kienyeji way.

I must say when it was first experimented on me it was after the thursday episode and was  doing the sleep catch up untill two oclock in the afternoon when i started remembering what was happening around me the  previous night and started getting arousals, and for those who dont know when you live with someone of out you tend to think the same, exchange spirits(all the time), finish each other's statements, read minds and all. I actually seem to concur with a 'pastor' who at one point said "whenever you zegz with a woman you exchange spirits and those spirits will constantly haunt you" maybe this is a policy i apply whenever am tempted to have a side dish(show me a man that does not have this, i'll show you a chicken that urinates, the restraint is money in most instances). For i dont want spirits of many persons of out haunting me whereas those of one person have been immensely overwhelming. I gues i'll stick with this one whose spirits am too familiar with.

So she comes to the extra bedroom, after the baby is asleep in the other, to where am lying like kiimba(dead person) with the josto stedy, by the way i hear when men are dying the josto is always standing or if the man was a thief and he's burnt down, the josto never burns,(someone experienced please confirm?) someone said that's the source of life and the almighty has to keep it alive. After a little admonishing for just sleeping and not going out to look for money but just fogothary drinking, i touch touch the 'right' places and everything is calm, then follow the mellow 'exchange of more spirits', i hope the ones i carried previously from the joints are not transmitted! after then she dashes to the bathroom and comes with the hot towel and does her thing to the 'kahead' i excuse her maybe its daytime and the towel and hot water is within reach .

I must say its quite a nice experience and for those who havent yet domesticated someone atleast there's a positive connotation to that and also you might find yourself less promiscous in these sprouting joints in town of promisquity or low down on the side kick for there's always a better deal at home! For those fortunate to have a pm in their kitchen cabinet and is not doing accordingly please be at home either friday or saturday and drag her to the front seat of your sitting room to get first hand information and i bet you'll also note some change.