I have been from time to time acused by the pm of not contributing fully to the domestic budget, reason being i dont go to the local market to source for food stuffs and therefore i dont know the costs as they change from day to day. I've always thought that two hundred shilling a day is more than enough for a family of 3, but the shocker is that whenever i produce 500 it hardly survive the weekend anyway that said it only indicates one thing, income has to be raised soonest failure i shall be doomed.
The first half of the month is not so difficult since the ration provided can last upto that time but by date 25 we actually begging from the donors for supply(dont mistake donors to mean anyone but peroz on both sides who have constantly assisted their offspring and now the offsprings' offspring-God bless them) Ofcourse this does not come easy or without a rider oftenly "no mucaragia wera?"(do you still look for work?) and actually they have tried to hook us up with all the 'god fathers' they knew in Nairobi, most in the public service and private sector but nothing to show for it. All these god fathers do is promise things beyond their reach, and some with the rhetoric 'when i hear of something i'll let you know' i have really come to hate this statement for nothing is actually heard. You keep calling the person for we are constatly reminded to keep reminding the person for he/she has other businesss to take care of and might not have you in mind, and also risk calls diverted to voicemail, mteja for no pick-up at all, but i say here if someone has the will to get you a job with no strings attached then he should and if not capable should say so and not think by not saying so will make one hopeless or give false promises to make sure his ass is kissed all the time.
Though all this can be termed as corruption which we are 'really trying', in quotes meaning the culture is hard to die, but i'd rather those that ask for money or majorly zegz in exchange for a job than those who take you around in circles and you keep guessing, for i'd rather pay up my dues before hand than later have someone always on my back say i got you that job and now you should pay me up. in the first place you were qualified to take up jobs in this country but the opportunities are limited to a chosen few thats why the 'culture' can hardly die down. That said, though in the meantime i'll continue pushing my luck even in the public service( i hear this like looking to find cats zegzing) but no loosing hope for the economy does not dictate so. This reminds me of a day the pm went to see a 'high profile' ps as mentioned by her peroz, first the meeting took too long being sent from one building to another and then in the final building the person she was to meet stood in a glass window at a top floor waving as she called, but on entrance you are asked for appointments and stuff and you try to convinse the P.As that he called from ground floor but hear none of it , It only takes the merciful intervention of the said person to make a call if he's willing enough. Ofcourse i know all this for before she was composed enough to tell the ordeal i hard to partake the stress ' u know 'stress partaker'.
I have perceived the women folk to have it a little easier on this than the menfolk leave for also having assets valuable to the men whom in most instances have been priveleged to hold the high level positions of affluence in society, but lately getting challenged by the women and guyz like i might soon also be lucky or others i hear already getting lucky by flouting their assets too to the older high achiever women in society but all with caution or 'die trying'.
After the completion of the 'rite of passage' quotes being what society considered as the gateway to a better life earlier has been reduced to a passage meaning university degree is no longer an end in itself. So after completion my ration got reduced by half whereas the pm's remained the same (they say their needs are high, true ),and come to think of it even if you earn higher than your pm with lets say 20k she still earns more than you for part of your earnings is hers for she will always borrow money not necessarily for the domestic budget but also to safeguard hers(even when she's working and earns more).So i can be excused for little contribution to the domestic budget(in the meantime what would i do without her), but save for the little here and there i make from struggling businesses that do not really have an income to show or rather get rich but just 'hand to mouth basis' i know even most employed live on this, at the end of the day is what you are able to put on the table that matters. But for sure it has become even harder when the local sukumawiki vendor no longer breaks it down to 10 bob per juala but now 20 shillings.
Thursday 30 June 2011
Monday 27 June 2011
The business i'll never do
I have really tried many, being a 'jobless' graduate, jobless in quotes meaning lack of a whitecolor job as expected by the old folks being peroz and generally the older members of society whom you cannot convince you have a source of livelihood if you dont either work in a bank or in a government office swinging chairs all day pretending to be busy and the all too familiar rudeness to Kenyans asking for services in such offices. The other day i was in a CID headquarter office that looks like a museum for i guess all the renovation money set aside ends up in few peoples' homes, and the public servants there were quite rough in taking my finger prints while applying for a certificate of good conduct. After reading the papers the other day on advertisements made on public service jobs ( which i have a feeling is done as a formality but the jobs have owners not unless you are very lucky) and their salaries, i somehow excuse them for their frustration if that's the kind of salary they get. Now that said, you know after the folks have educated you they wash their hands for their work is done and for many of them a university degree is as good as mission accomplished. The monthly allowances slowly dwindles and the conning games can hardly go unnoticed and thats when you find yourself cannot even afford keg drinks. Thats the desperate situation that calls for desperate measures to atleast afford some drinks in the all too common boredom moments.
I have actually sold cds, graphics, mitumba clothes, gnld products, oriflame, bank accounts, small loans, scrap metal and many more. Of all the many i have done so far i pinch myself never to get involved in these foreign companies which have set base in Kenya and 'use' a few people to enrich themselves but all they do is con majority off their hard earned cash, one of those companies being gnld that sell 'health' tablets quotes being there's nothing healthy in them that beats the traditional, original arrowroots and sweetpotatoes that we despised when abit younger. These companies come to colonise kenyans minds in the promise of wealth which is a common mindset in almost all Kenyans me inclusive, but the fact that we dont know is that that the gdp actually goes to the foreign countries where such products come from, and so i vow never to buy anything of the sort thats not Kenyan.
The commodities are quite overpriced and a rip off leave alone for the registration fees that are required to be a member, totally incredible. So majority of the kenyans have become enlightened and you can hardly get a customer for the commodities. after campus i was invited for a session of those gnld meetings by Jose a high school friend to which the speakers really woo you with instant wealth, i almost called my folks to lie i had been caught by kanju so they give me the 4k i register and then wait for its instant multiplication. My instincts tell me to wait for another session of lies proclaimed by the speakers and they invite us 'newcomers' to attend a city hall award of 'graduants' ( a pyramid way of rewarding the heavy 'investors' in the company). The way these masters of impunity express to you how within a short period you will be driving a good car is just incredible, where on earth do you find things served to you on a silver platter? what they dont tell you is that to earn a single thousand you must have enriched the same company with tens of thousands of those, so if at all you dont get other customers to con and use your money to purchase inorder to gain points.. I prefer that money i would store it in a pillow and feel it every time am sleeping failure to i'll only question the pm who shares the pillow with me and the only culprit. In gnld or banks you have no redress or particular person to get hold of.
So i pulled along the pm on saturday to city hall to hear how in a very short while we shall be millionaires and abuse the shopkeeper at our gate whom she bargain even a matchbox from. I cannot ever remember sitting for a record breaking ten hours nonstop on the not so comfy city hall chairs that are used to beat the hell out of councillors without aven going to spit them(loo). I would ignore the pm whenever she tells me she's hungry and we ended up sitting there all day listening to gimmicks. After that i borrow somebody in the name i've been caught by kanju to pay but fortunately it was not enough so i ended up postponing to pay the registration another day. As days go by i become even more enthusiastic and woo many more to the promised wealth including pm who also lacked the reg. fee.
One day i go to campus for clearance in campus and i talk many many on the queue to registrar of how i've discovered a money mint and need not apply for a job (atleast thats what some of the speaker advised). After the guy i was telling stories gets in, i ask the chick behind me who had been listening in whether she is not yet enlightened, she tells me she's a member and her sister too is a 'director'( a pyramid kind of scheem title they give themselves). Later she hooks me up with the sister who promise to pay my registration fee as long as i dont 'disappoint'. She also give me a packet of tablets to sell. It was after this that i discovered how hard it was to sell the commodities and we ended up eating the whole packet with the pm and i forgot it was a business. I discovered that maybe the weight loss thing is true because after taking the tre-en-en 6 pack i weighed ten less but you really have to invest in the same, no single packet can give you results and this doubles up on the money you are to use and earn points that cannot make you 'rich'.
On the other hand i discovered many sell by approaching the old or desperately sick or those with convalescents at home and sell to them in the name of a miraculous cure to which its a lie for they are only mediocre supplements which is also not very ethical, as i put my business ethics lessons to practice i vow not to con or proclaim lies to desperate customers, to date i still tell the lady owner of tablets i am still in Haiti(you know where there's a stripper president?).
Days later a cousin comes to our place to introduce the oriflame concept, i gerit this the same thing and i tell the pm to try it too so that when she fails we shall be even and the ridicule for failure in gnld minimize. The difference is registration is much cheaper and the pm produces the cash almost immediately, the problem came to selling the overpriced perfume to whom you hardly get a person to sell to in our middle income hood. You end up applying the perfumes and others on yourself leave alone for the disappointments you get from even your closest kin who dont even pick-up your calls for the conversation is always the old rhetoric So i survive the ridicule for both business have stalled.
I have actually sold cds, graphics, mitumba clothes, gnld products, oriflame, bank accounts, small loans, scrap metal and many more. Of all the many i have done so far i pinch myself never to get involved in these foreign companies which have set base in Kenya and 'use' a few people to enrich themselves but all they do is con majority off their hard earned cash, one of those companies being gnld that sell 'health' tablets quotes being there's nothing healthy in them that beats the traditional, original arrowroots and sweetpotatoes that we despised when abit younger. These companies come to colonise kenyans minds in the promise of wealth which is a common mindset in almost all Kenyans me inclusive, but the fact that we dont know is that that the gdp actually goes to the foreign countries where such products come from, and so i vow never to buy anything of the sort thats not Kenyan.
The commodities are quite overpriced and a rip off leave alone for the registration fees that are required to be a member, totally incredible. So majority of the kenyans have become enlightened and you can hardly get a customer for the commodities. after campus i was invited for a session of those gnld meetings by Jose a high school friend to which the speakers really woo you with instant wealth, i almost called my folks to lie i had been caught by kanju so they give me the 4k i register and then wait for its instant multiplication. My instincts tell me to wait for another session of lies proclaimed by the speakers and they invite us 'newcomers' to attend a city hall award of 'graduants' ( a pyramid way of rewarding the heavy 'investors' in the company). The way these masters of impunity express to you how within a short period you will be driving a good car is just incredible, where on earth do you find things served to you on a silver platter? what they dont tell you is that to earn a single thousand you must have enriched the same company with tens of thousands of those, so if at all you dont get other customers to con and use your money to purchase inorder to gain points.. I prefer that money i would store it in a pillow and feel it every time am sleeping failure to i'll only question the pm who shares the pillow with me and the only culprit. In gnld or banks you have no redress or particular person to get hold of.
So i pulled along the pm on saturday to city hall to hear how in a very short while we shall be millionaires and abuse the shopkeeper at our gate whom she bargain even a matchbox from. I cannot ever remember sitting for a record breaking ten hours nonstop on the not so comfy city hall chairs that are used to beat the hell out of councillors without aven going to spit them(loo). I would ignore the pm whenever she tells me she's hungry and we ended up sitting there all day listening to gimmicks. After that i borrow somebody in the name i've been caught by kanju to pay but fortunately it was not enough so i ended up postponing to pay the registration another day. As days go by i become even more enthusiastic and woo many more to the promised wealth including pm who also lacked the reg. fee.
One day i go to campus for clearance in campus and i talk many many on the queue to registrar of how i've discovered a money mint and need not apply for a job (atleast thats what some of the speaker advised). After the guy i was telling stories gets in, i ask the chick behind me who had been listening in whether she is not yet enlightened, she tells me she's a member and her sister too is a 'director'( a pyramid kind of scheem title they give themselves). Later she hooks me up with the sister who promise to pay my registration fee as long as i dont 'disappoint'. She also give me a packet of tablets to sell. It was after this that i discovered how hard it was to sell the commodities and we ended up eating the whole packet with the pm and i forgot it was a business. I discovered that maybe the weight loss thing is true because after taking the tre-en-en 6 pack i weighed ten less but you really have to invest in the same, no single packet can give you results and this doubles up on the money you are to use and earn points that cannot make you 'rich'.
On the other hand i discovered many sell by approaching the old or desperately sick or those with convalescents at home and sell to them in the name of a miraculous cure to which its a lie for they are only mediocre supplements which is also not very ethical, as i put my business ethics lessons to practice i vow not to con or proclaim lies to desperate customers, to date i still tell the lady owner of tablets i am still in Haiti(you know where there's a stripper president?).
Days later a cousin comes to our place to introduce the oriflame concept, i gerit this the same thing and i tell the pm to try it too so that when she fails we shall be even and the ridicule for failure in gnld minimize. The difference is registration is much cheaper and the pm produces the cash almost immediately, the problem came to selling the overpriced perfume to whom you hardly get a person to sell to in our middle income hood. You end up applying the perfumes and others on yourself leave alone for the disappointments you get from even your closest kin who dont even pick-up your calls for the conversation is always the old rhetoric So i survive the ridicule for both business have stalled.
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Thanks to connect
Now if your pm if you lucky enough to have one has not been watching connect then sure there's likely to be a disconnect. You very much likely to get sucked up to watching the program maybe on conditions that, you do not possess an extra television in the bedroom, you are not the chauvinist type and have actually let it go in the proverbial "nyumba ni za wanawake" and subsequentially lost the remote control, you are not very capable of affording pay tv in that your house can turn to be a sports house,you are not the conservative type to wonder how such a program can be aired featuring the most mystifed happenings of the bedroom in our society, your performance is not at par so the pm has actually dragged you to watch and learn or are not naive.
So for those of you who are not sucked up due to above mentioned or else do not have someone to practise what is learnt on them and by someone i mean a regular partner not the all too familiar 'chips funga' or someone's somebody, connect is a program aired on saturday nights and repeated on fridays at 10 pm when most school going kids are either asleep or in the clubs getting wasted and closed.
Now there's this woman Getty who tries to demistify the happenings of the bedroom(closed doors) by practical steps and she sure knows her thing, but one thing i'd like to get an information on from them is, why is it that when we talk of sizes they use inches? I cannot remember in all my school life using inches as a parameter of measurements and therefore i'd prefer cm inorder to relate *relatively*. That said i have really concured to most of the talks that is after i was really sucked up to watching it after coming home high on some things admonished in my village and the reasoning was quite high, the most evocative being about body sizes, relevantly being "whenever a man grows a pot belly or has one the 'josto' subsequently shrinks inside" for a woman "if fat, the vachina narrows(truest) " so you can imagine all those fat couples you see and imagine how they actually 'make it'. Now my fears of growing fat are equally manifested and in the meantime am gonna manage what i got.
As a result of the saturday education, i have noticed some behavioural changes in the pm, although she religiously adones the all too familiar "mutoki", lesos written "makosa ya marehemu hakutumia juala" and i guess she must think that phrase actually refers to mama wa soko akifunga sukuma na juala, overdressing in bed and has adamantly refused to let the kid sleep in her own bed and always lies facing her on the other end of the bed and suckling all night despite her being almost two years, so am left on the other adge snuggling up to her buttocks..
As has become the norm i always go to bed very late after watching the K24 12 oclock mchipuko for in most days i spend the afternoon sleeping and so sleep is hard to come by or also the trauma associated with sleeping on the edge of the bed risking getting pushed over to the floor with the buttocks as an effect. Such said there is also the current practice maybe of the positive in relation to lessons learnt is that the initiation to the 'mombasas raha' as the women on the tv show disguisely call it refering to the zegz has been a flask of hot water and a basin at the corner of the bedrroom. This lesson i can associate to an episode where Getty was talking about cleaning up the 'kahead' after the zegz. So occasionally when i stagger to the bedroom with sleep and notice the flask and basin i know there's an anticipated activity supposed to happen failure to, i'l have to survive the following day of moodiness, doors getting banged and sheer rudeness since we both stay at home jobless graduates.
The pm's sleep as always has been 'usingizi wa kimang'amung'amu( dont know the english word for that) and she'll get wide of my entrance or knocking whenever i come home in the wee hours and turn consequently on such days of flask and basin at the corner. This practise of flask and basin only takes place two days after a refresher course of next episode of the connect program and so by monday it's forgotten and later picked up the following friday, last upto saturday and the pattern has continued while on other days its the usual kienyeji way.
I must say when it was first experimented on me it was after the thursday episode and was doing the sleep catch up untill two oclock in the afternoon when i started remembering what was happening around me the previous night and started getting arousals, and for those who dont know when you live with someone of out you tend to think the same, exchange spirits(all the time), finish each other's statements, read minds and all. I actually seem to concur with a 'pastor' who at one point said "whenever you zegz with a woman you exchange spirits and those spirits will constantly haunt you" maybe this is a policy i apply whenever am tempted to have a side dish(show me a man that does not have this, i'll show you a chicken that urinates, the restraint is money in most instances). For i dont want spirits of many persons of out haunting me whereas those of one person have been immensely overwhelming. I gues i'll stick with this one whose spirits am too familiar with.
So she comes to the extra bedroom, after the baby is asleep in the other, to where am lying like kiimba(dead person) with the josto stedy, by the way i hear when men are dying the josto is always standing or if the man was a thief and he's burnt down, the josto never burns,(someone experienced please confirm?) someone said that's the source of life and the almighty has to keep it alive. After a little admonishing for just sleeping and not going out to look for money but just fogothary drinking, i touch touch the 'right' places and everything is calm, then follow the mellow 'exchange of more spirits', i hope the ones i carried previously from the joints are not transmitted! after then she dashes to the bathroom and comes with the hot towel and does her thing to the 'kahead' i excuse her maybe its daytime and the towel and hot water is within reach .
I must say its quite a nice experience and for those who havent yet domesticated someone atleast there's a positive connotation to that and also you might find yourself less promiscous in these sprouting joints in town of promisquity or low down on the side kick for there's always a better deal at home! For those fortunate to have a pm in their kitchen cabinet and is not doing accordingly please be at home either friday or saturday and drag her to the front seat of your sitting room to get first hand information and i bet you'll also note some change.
So for those of you who are not sucked up due to above mentioned or else do not have someone to practise what is learnt on them and by someone i mean a regular partner not the all too familiar 'chips funga' or someone's somebody, connect is a program aired on saturday nights and repeated on fridays at 10 pm when most school going kids are either asleep or in the clubs getting wasted and closed.
Now there's this woman Getty who tries to demistify the happenings of the bedroom(closed doors) by practical steps and she sure knows her thing, but one thing i'd like to get an information on from them is, why is it that when we talk of sizes they use inches? I cannot remember in all my school life using inches as a parameter of measurements and therefore i'd prefer cm inorder to relate *relatively*. That said i have really concured to most of the talks that is after i was really sucked up to watching it after coming home high on some things admonished in my village and the reasoning was quite high, the most evocative being about body sizes, relevantly being "whenever a man grows a pot belly or has one the 'josto' subsequently shrinks inside" for a woman "if fat, the vachina narrows(truest) " so you can imagine all those fat couples you see and imagine how they actually 'make it'. Now my fears of growing fat are equally manifested and in the meantime am gonna manage what i got.
As a result of the saturday education, i have noticed some behavioural changes in the pm, although she religiously adones the all too familiar "mutoki", lesos written "makosa ya marehemu hakutumia juala" and i guess she must think that phrase actually refers to mama wa soko akifunga sukuma na juala, overdressing in bed and has adamantly refused to let the kid sleep in her own bed and always lies facing her on the other end of the bed and suckling all night despite her being almost two years, so am left on the other adge snuggling up to her buttocks..
As has become the norm i always go to bed very late after watching the K24 12 oclock mchipuko for in most days i spend the afternoon sleeping and so sleep is hard to come by or also the trauma associated with sleeping on the edge of the bed risking getting pushed over to the floor with the buttocks as an effect. Such said there is also the current practice maybe of the positive in relation to lessons learnt is that the initiation to the 'mombasas raha' as the women on the tv show disguisely call it refering to the zegz has been a flask of hot water and a basin at the corner of the bedrroom. This lesson i can associate to an episode where Getty was talking about cleaning up the 'kahead' after the zegz. So occasionally when i stagger to the bedroom with sleep and notice the flask and basin i know there's an anticipated activity supposed to happen failure to, i'l have to survive the following day of moodiness, doors getting banged and sheer rudeness since we both stay at home jobless graduates.
The pm's sleep as always has been 'usingizi wa kimang'amung'amu( dont know the english word for that) and she'll get wide of my entrance or knocking whenever i come home in the wee hours and turn consequently on such days of flask and basin at the corner. This practise of flask and basin only takes place two days after a refresher course of next episode of the connect program and so by monday it's forgotten and later picked up the following friday, last upto saturday and the pattern has continued while on other days its the usual kienyeji way.
I must say when it was first experimented on me it was after the thursday episode and was doing the sleep catch up untill two oclock in the afternoon when i started remembering what was happening around me the previous night and started getting arousals, and for those who dont know when you live with someone of out you tend to think the same, exchange spirits(all the time), finish each other's statements, read minds and all. I actually seem to concur with a 'pastor' who at one point said "whenever you zegz with a woman you exchange spirits and those spirits will constantly haunt you" maybe this is a policy i apply whenever am tempted to have a side dish(show me a man that does not have this, i'll show you a chicken that urinates, the restraint is money in most instances). For i dont want spirits of many persons of out haunting me whereas those of one person have been immensely overwhelming. I gues i'll stick with this one whose spirits am too familiar with.
So she comes to the extra bedroom, after the baby is asleep in the other, to where am lying like kiimba(dead person) with the josto stedy, by the way i hear when men are dying the josto is always standing or if the man was a thief and he's burnt down, the josto never burns,(someone experienced please confirm?) someone said that's the source of life and the almighty has to keep it alive. After a little admonishing for just sleeping and not going out to look for money but just fogothary drinking, i touch touch the 'right' places and everything is calm, then follow the mellow 'exchange of more spirits', i hope the ones i carried previously from the joints are not transmitted! after then she dashes to the bathroom and comes with the hot towel and does her thing to the 'kahead' i excuse her maybe its daytime and the towel and hot water is within reach .
I must say its quite a nice experience and for those who havent yet domesticated someone atleast there's a positive connotation to that and also you might find yourself less promiscous in these sprouting joints in town of promisquity or low down on the side kick for there's always a better deal at home! For those fortunate to have a pm in their kitchen cabinet and is not doing accordingly please be at home either friday or saturday and drag her to the front seat of your sitting room to get first hand information and i bet you'll also note some change.
Sunday 19 June 2011
The life of business
Being a university graduate so recently and having got knocked up in my late stages of campus life, it has been quite a challenge awaiting a job to come by (comeby being sitting in the house and applying jobs online) and doing others basically in the house that have got no income to match, blame it on the 8-4-4, peroz and teachers who taught us read hard and after the market of jobs will be hunting for you but wapi without teaching us the practical steps to create our own. At the same time taking care of 'my shit' because at some point in life when somebody is over with her adolecence and puberty she'l get to thank me for having taken care of 'my shit' unlike other buddies who 'hit and run' before 'stomach' was put on them.
Anyway if it werent for a person whom i had been with for two and a half years of campus and monitoring her movements and behaviour regularly leave alone the dramas ofcourse, maybe i would also be counted in the bracket of 'all men are dogs, you know how they play victim in all situations even when they do things per their own pleasure, there's still a man who takes the blame.
Having said that, it was one of those jobless Thursdays(you know the new friday?) when i receive an sms from saiga, a high school buddy whom we have been in touch since he once met me at a cuzos after party with very cute cuzos and i think he liked me because he knew i'll hook him up some day, anyway this guy is a mtu wa biashara, having not even gone ahead with schooling but went into family business of a hardware empire in the eastlands area and doing big. As it has it this guy is usually very loaded whenever he calls me for he has known am quite a guzzler and he spends as if he's with a person of out. per night i can estimate atleast 10k, not forgeting he's a real lover of persons of out mostly those that are accompanied by colleagues and in such instances when you have a person of out with you he will dirtify table times two to impress the person, he even tried moves on my pm (these people hardly get it) until i pinched her and told her thats what he does. Ofcourse he had snatched some other person of out whom i had been with but in the first outing we had, together with saiga, i noticed she was already impressed and was now using me to get the 'tycoon' and so i played low ,anyway she was among those of bar, later they did hook up and i lacked saiga for quite a while and when we finally met he told me of how the person had theft him leave alone breaking his heart for he had already attached feelings, to date he still talks about her.
So as brief as the text was "nakam, unabuy?" i knew payback will come sometime for what man really treats a fellow dude like that all days without him returning hand and he's not gay? Either he uses you to gain women or just want you wasted and he dumps you. Ofcourse in many instances he has called me to places mostly in eastlando and when wasted he vanishes and switch off phone leaving me to look for my way towards the other side of uhuru highway. I have learnt from that and i make sure am MSD( minimum staggering distance) or the other side of uhuru highway where am more versant and he wont pull a stunt on me easily. So without showing dissapointment i reply "kamu swes kosa 1, 2 ya karibisha, ingine utaongeza" and i get a "sawa". I start scratching my head wondering where money to return hand will come from and i only had five soc from proceeds of Cds and i think fast. When saiga arrives shortly i pretend am in the atm and take quite sometime, when we meet i tell him, "haki card yangu imeexpire saa itakuwaje na nina soo tano tu?", i guess he saw it coming and ignores, "Nataka unipeleke ile base ulinishow ina people of trap", "sawa" i reply. We pass through ngongi rodi and pass by elsi to eat nyama and two for the road, ofcourse he pays without asking "ulisema unabuy?" i eat nyama kabisa giving stories of giant and later we go to china centre, where i hear there's "makobosto" that vibrate. We hit upstairs ofcourse only tipsy and at entrance we charged 500 and 1000 for vip, for am the one leading the way i look at him and ask "tulipe" and he says "sawa" and produces the cash( i guess the chick at etrance thought he's the bodyguard and am the source for she kept asking "nibuyie" everytime i went to the loo).
We head and i become sober seeing what invites you inside. we head straight vip for more, the place is alittle empty maybe being a thursday but i get it people are in vip, you know those that are in clubs on such days are not the regular friday , sato revellers who are most likely newlly employed or school guyz and its the first days of the month. On this day is big people of biashara or wakubwa in big companies detroying money in the most promiscous ways, i sit in a corner sipping the 200worth beers, watching the free movie and as my friend disects the creations of person of out with bare hands, these people clearly dont have respect for the precious commodity!.
Hours later we heading to the main branch in town where life's really at, ofcourse after a real good time as vips enjoying the exclusive company of the persons of out and me enjoying their gush (ili kashike) for basically we were the only guyz left and sure it did shika. In town it's mambo baad! full house i tell you and its 2 am people doing their thing ofcourse worseoff than that of previous joint and on screen real practical steps being shown of what is done in the club. i just sit glaring, sipping my beers worth 250 and watching as the loaded ones enjoy their time on the table ofcourse with my boy Saiga in his usual dissecting tactics. You know you hardly pull such moves when mbele nyuma you got only 5sok and when left by Saiga which is a very likely possibility you'll have to source a cab.
One day trully i'll have to return hand to Saiga but when am loaded enough and also buy him people of trap but that is only when i fully embrace the life of business sio kuajiriwa in these banks that seem to crop up everyday and employ every graduate irregardlles of their major and pay them less than 30k which can hardly last a person like me for a week.I tell myself on this day HAPPY FATHERS DAY as i nurse the usual sarcasm from pm juu ya kulala nje previously.
Anyway if it werent for a person whom i had been with for two and a half years of campus and monitoring her movements and behaviour regularly leave alone the dramas ofcourse, maybe i would also be counted in the bracket of 'all men are dogs, you know how they play victim in all situations even when they do things per their own pleasure, there's still a man who takes the blame.
Having said that, it was one of those jobless Thursdays(you know the new friday?) when i receive an sms from saiga, a high school buddy whom we have been in touch since he once met me at a cuzos after party with very cute cuzos and i think he liked me because he knew i'll hook him up some day, anyway this guy is a mtu wa biashara, having not even gone ahead with schooling but went into family business of a hardware empire in the eastlands area and doing big. As it has it this guy is usually very loaded whenever he calls me for he has known am quite a guzzler and he spends as if he's with a person of out. per night i can estimate atleast 10k, not forgeting he's a real lover of persons of out mostly those that are accompanied by colleagues and in such instances when you have a person of out with you he will dirtify table times two to impress the person, he even tried moves on my pm (these people hardly get it) until i pinched her and told her thats what he does. Ofcourse he had snatched some other person of out whom i had been with but in the first outing we had, together with saiga, i noticed she was already impressed and was now using me to get the 'tycoon' and so i played low ,anyway she was among those of bar, later they did hook up and i lacked saiga for quite a while and when we finally met he told me of how the person had theft him leave alone breaking his heart for he had already attached feelings, to date he still talks about her.
So as brief as the text was "nakam, unabuy?" i knew payback will come sometime for what man really treats a fellow dude like that all days without him returning hand and he's not gay? Either he uses you to gain women or just want you wasted and he dumps you. Ofcourse in many instances he has called me to places mostly in eastlando and when wasted he vanishes and switch off phone leaving me to look for my way towards the other side of uhuru highway. I have learnt from that and i make sure am MSD( minimum staggering distance) or the other side of uhuru highway where am more versant and he wont pull a stunt on me easily. So without showing dissapointment i reply "kamu swes kosa 1, 2 ya karibisha, ingine utaongeza" and i get a "sawa". I start scratching my head wondering where money to return hand will come from and i only had five soc from proceeds of Cds and i think fast. When saiga arrives shortly i pretend am in the atm and take quite sometime, when we meet i tell him, "haki card yangu imeexpire saa itakuwaje na nina soo tano tu?", i guess he saw it coming and ignores, "Nataka unipeleke ile base ulinishow ina people of trap", "sawa" i reply. We pass through ngongi rodi and pass by elsi to eat nyama and two for the road, ofcourse he pays without asking "ulisema unabuy?" i eat nyama kabisa giving stories of giant and later we go to china centre, where i hear there's "makobosto" that vibrate. We hit upstairs ofcourse only tipsy and at entrance we charged 500 and 1000 for vip, for am the one leading the way i look at him and ask "tulipe" and he says "sawa" and produces the cash( i guess the chick at etrance thought he's the bodyguard and am the source for she kept asking "nibuyie" everytime i went to the loo).
We head and i become sober seeing what invites you inside. we head straight vip for more, the place is alittle empty maybe being a thursday but i get it people are in vip, you know those that are in clubs on such days are not the regular friday , sato revellers who are most likely newlly employed or school guyz and its the first days of the month. On this day is big people of biashara or wakubwa in big companies detroying money in the most promiscous ways, i sit in a corner sipping the 200worth beers, watching the free movie and as my friend disects the creations of person of out with bare hands, these people clearly dont have respect for the precious commodity!.
Hours later we heading to the main branch in town where life's really at, ofcourse after a real good time as vips enjoying the exclusive company of the persons of out and me enjoying their gush (ili kashike) for basically we were the only guyz left and sure it did shika. In town it's mambo baad! full house i tell you and its 2 am people doing their thing ofcourse worseoff than that of previous joint and on screen real practical steps being shown of what is done in the club. i just sit glaring, sipping my beers worth 250 and watching as the loaded ones enjoy their time on the table ofcourse with my boy Saiga in his usual dissecting tactics. You know you hardly pull such moves when mbele nyuma you got only 5sok and when left by Saiga which is a very likely possibility you'll have to source a cab.
One day trully i'll have to return hand to Saiga but when am loaded enough and also buy him people of trap but that is only when i fully embrace the life of business sio kuajiriwa in these banks that seem to crop up everyday and employ every graduate irregardlles of their major and pay them less than 30k which can hardly last a person like me for a week.I tell myself on this day HAPPY FATHERS DAY as i nurse the usual sarcasm from pm juu ya kulala nje previously.
Thursday 16 June 2011
how it all began
It is during campus life when everything is normally upbeat be it CAT weeks, whereas you know you have been raving from week to week even mondays with no revision notes but many photocopies. Favourite bases were the keg joints that were quite affordable for a sophomore. it was always a good kickstart that is before the Mututho Mushuto laws (keg na straw) from !!am that is after a previous drinking spree 'yesternight' and as the hangdown wears you down and its time to 'unlock'. In the evening as usual its the upmarket joints where beer below 100 bob was unheard of. With the little you have managed to con peroz over the week for anonymous trips, shoppings and landlord's hiked rents, this obviously could not happen every month for it could raise suspicion).
so it was during those periods when at sometimes friends would come together and share rent and the excess is Mututho's, so it's in one of those arrangements that we decided to hook up with Chris a bad influence i may say when it comes to people of out. chris was a really barbie of Nairobi and water would never lack for the son of village, he even taught me lyrics of 50cent his icon which i would not hear and occasionally gave me his studs and exhibition 50cent designers to clad for an outing.
It was one of those days when all my tricks to con money had bitten and i decide to just stay kejani, on a 'friday mind you' (a great crime according to Chris) instead of borrowing beer in bars (an activity i despise to date). Chris as usual found me crib boekad as he was coming from keg den to brush off the filthy waters( ati to avoid smelling) and head uptown to 'kurokota' (teki, takeaways), "toto!!!, unado nini kejani??c unajua me ni boy wangu na huwezi nishow uko down, wachanga ufala!!"he said, "nilidhani umeenda mtaani" replied obviously lying because he would never go to his digz which was only one matatu away untill saturday afternoon when hungry enough and his chums under replenished.
"vaa speedy nakubuyia tatu Ibiza ( by then a popular joint to beba)" Never known to refuse free beer, faster i unhang one designer and left stud as he wore the right. Off to ibiza and for am a real guzzler he says "we toto lazima tupitie hapa 'thimbich' juu 'siko poa vile"-a common phrase i was used to of which i knew better. K.C, iceberg speciality follows and after when ready to hit uptown we head to Ibiza, one guy we call Vokez a real small voltage guy is already puking and Chris knows now there's little baggage. Inside Chris orders H2o for Vokez and bouncers look at table suspiciously for there's a drunk dude taking H2o, me as always 'People In Love Should Not Entertain Rumours' which come only one and i sip small small for i know i have to make an application through sms for another to Chris if am lucky enough that he has not shifted base to another table with people of out. True to my prediction Chris leaves us for People of out and buys them leaving us 'licking bottles'. I go over to where he'd relocated to, pointing my empty bottle for refill, very ashamed for the people of out will see me borrow beer and know am broke as hell, u know 'no finance no romance?' but it was always that when am broke someone chokozas, when loaded i get none! i earn my second after a persistence and vow not to borrow again and back to where Voke is now fast asleep, Policy "let the sleeping dawg lie' i notice a person of out had been close by dancing gardenly(ushambaly) i approach and as though awaiting the move, moves in with the flow and later asks "tutapumzika wapi" stay here for more o......
so it was during those periods when at sometimes friends would come together and share rent and the excess is Mututho's, so it's in one of those arrangements that we decided to hook up with Chris a bad influence i may say when it comes to people of out. chris was a really barbie of Nairobi and water would never lack for the son of village, he even taught me lyrics of 50cent his icon which i would not hear and occasionally gave me his studs and exhibition 50cent designers to clad for an outing.
It was one of those days when all my tricks to con money had bitten and i decide to just stay kejani, on a 'friday mind you' (a great crime according to Chris) instead of borrowing beer in bars (an activity i despise to date). Chris as usual found me crib boekad as he was coming from keg den to brush off the filthy waters( ati to avoid smelling) and head uptown to 'kurokota' (teki, takeaways), "toto!!!, unado nini kejani??c unajua me ni boy wangu na huwezi nishow uko down, wachanga ufala!!"he said, "nilidhani umeenda mtaani" replied obviously lying because he would never go to his digz which was only one matatu away untill saturday afternoon when hungry enough and his chums under replenished.
"vaa speedy nakubuyia tatu Ibiza ( by then a popular joint to beba)" Never known to refuse free beer, faster i unhang one designer and left stud as he wore the right. Off to ibiza and for am a real guzzler he says "we toto lazima tupitie hapa 'thimbich' juu 'siko poa vile"-a common phrase i was used to of which i knew better. K.C, iceberg speciality follows and after when ready to hit uptown we head to Ibiza, one guy we call Vokez a real small voltage guy is already puking and Chris knows now there's little baggage. Inside Chris orders H2o for Vokez and bouncers look at table suspiciously for there's a drunk dude taking H2o, me as always 'People In Love Should Not Entertain Rumours' which come only one and i sip small small for i know i have to make an application through sms for another to Chris if am lucky enough that he has not shifted base to another table with people of out. True to my prediction Chris leaves us for People of out and buys them leaving us 'licking bottles'. I go over to where he'd relocated to, pointing my empty bottle for refill, very ashamed for the people of out will see me borrow beer and know am broke as hell, u know 'no finance no romance?' but it was always that when am broke someone chokozas, when loaded i get none! i earn my second after a persistence and vow not to borrow again and back to where Voke is now fast asleep, Policy "let the sleeping dawg lie' i notice a person of out had been close by dancing gardenly(ushambaly) i approach and as though awaiting the move, moves in with the flow and later asks "tutapumzika wapi" stay here for more o......
wakathango it is!
My name is wakathangos, a name originally given to the pm in my kitchen cabinet, for leaving small tungothas(underwears) in my house after the all too familiar sukumawiki periods(weekend dates). so after the completion of the illegal immigration , you know how they move in small small , after the tuthangos later the sufurias follow because chances are high you dont cook at yours or the little sufuria you had is already too smelly with mikuri (ugali remains) and no longer safe for human use.this is where they now come in with new sufurias and entice you with their cooking and before you know it you have been caught by devil to comply with the illegal immigration and expectant. you know after that the zegz is unlimited and the stomach comes like uthuri(fart) yaani immmediately. so after that you realize you are already someone's husband by common law and is liable to inherit your old greatwall after separation if it ever occurs. thats how i find myself adopting the name wakathangos for it is said when two come together they become one.this is a diary of a young man caught up in family life and at the same time wants to enjoy life whereas society expects him to behave like a 50 year old tired family man just because he has domesticated someone plus day to day conflicts with the pm over some weird phone calls definately from other people of out, marara nja(night runnings),smses and domestic budgets.
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